FAQ

What should we tell the kids?

REGARDING YOUR CHILDREN

This will depend on many factors unique to your family. Your mediator can assist you with timing, preparations, and expectations, in addition to equipping you with information. They are experts in this field and know ALL best practices for children, adolescents, and even adult children in this situation.

Can my spouse take my children away from me?

No! It is frightening to think that any mis-step could result in your children being taken away! Rest assured this is very, very rare… We start with a presumption of substantially equal placement. Only if you are engaging in egregiously unsafe behaviors would this question even be raised.

SPOUSAL SUPPORT

How do I know my spouse isn’t hiding money?

Unlike in traditional litigated divorce, there is no formal “discovery” process in mediation. We count on both of you to be honest and comprehensive in your disclosures about finances.

That being said, hiding money isn’t as easy as it sounds. Your Financial Mediator will review past tax returns, check paystubs, account balances, and retirement accounts. This documentation will bring most significant financial moves to light.

It is important that you feel confident that you are seeing your spouse’s complete financial picture. We work with you to gather all the documentation you need until you do.

How do I know you won’t be taken in by manipulative spouse?

We understand your spouse might be manipulative / narcissistic / borderline / a bully / passive / steam roller / pathological liar- and divorce brings out more psychopathology than any other normal life event. We are accustomed to seeing a range of human behavior.

Your Mediator is a trained mental health professional skilled at identifying these challenging personality patterns and behaviors.

It is important that you share these concerns and observations with your mediator right away. They will work to bring strategies and support throughout the process.

We are not shy about calling out behavior. We respectfully encourage every participant to bring their highest selves to the negotiating table.

I’ve experienced domestic violence. Can we still meditate?

Our first concern is for your safety. While it is not realistic that anyone could make decisions from equal footing with active violence in the home, we can put you on the right track to address this situation.

If we perceive one party is afraid of the other, sense there may be repercussions if one party expresses a difference of opinion, or any other related concern, we take action. It is our job to look out for both of you at all times.

Do I need my own attorney?

LEGAL ASSISTANCE

Of course it is important for you to have all the support and expertise that you need. During active negotiations, it is best to work solely with your individualized mediation team. We guide you both towards an agreement that addresses the best interests of all members of the family-- and leaves you in the best possible shape given your facts.

Once you have reached an agreement, we encourage you to have it reviewed by an attorney who has only your best interests at heart.

Even at that point, it is important to use attorneys familiar with mediation. At its heart, mediation aims for neutrality, equity, and respectful outcomes.

LOSGISTICS & AGREEMENTS

When can I change my name?

As soon as you have your Divorce Decree (after the final hearing), you can take it to change your driver’s license, social security card, and other legal documents.

If you wish, you can informally begin using your preferred name at any time.

Do my spouse and I have to meet with you at the same time?

In a word, yes! The power of mediation is grounded in making it possible for you and your spouse to talk directly to one another to find the compromises that you each can make without losing your sense of fairness. Hiding behind intermediaries makes that impossible, and fosters rigid positionally that makes it very difficult to come to agreements.

FINANCES

How much will divorce mediation cost?

Annoyingly, the answer is “it depends!” We do not work for a flat fee and every team member bills hourly.

One assurance we give is having the least expensive person do as much work as possible. For example, the paralegal will do as much of the legal work as possible.

Another advantage is our divorces are always at least half of what they would be in the traditional two attorney process, and often much less than that.

Overall, divorce costs depend on the complexity of your finances, and, more importantly, the amount of conflict the two of you are in about what you think a “fair” agreement would be. If you have similar ideas about your division of assets and income, your divorce will not ras much time. If you have very different ideas, it will take time to gather all the relevant information, and work together to find compromises you can both live with. Even in such cases, you can expect that the cost - both financially and emotionally - of working through complexity and contentiousness would be rather significantly greater in a two-attorney dynamic

For more information, schedule a free 30 minute Zoom consult with us, we can learn some specifics about your circumstances and give you an educated estimate of costs for your family.

Is it true that I shouldn’t move out of the house until the divorce is finalized?

PROPERTY & ASSETS

This advice stems from a different age in divorce.

Wisconsin is a “no fault “ divorce state: why you are getting divorced is irrelevant. The State does not place blame, nor does it matter who initiates the action.

Wisconsin presumes equally shared custody — the right to and responsibility for your children — as well as shared placement. You moving out of the home will have no negative effects on custody or placement claims, or on your claim to that property.

Can I buy a new home, car, or furniture before the divorce is final?

You can do anything the two of you agree to, as long as you consult with each other before acting.

It is best to consult with your team before making big moves, because we can help you do so most effectively.

Mediation FAQ